Born and raised in the Netherlands 1994, I spent most of my early school days gaming away on the family computer. (And on the computers at school, but sshh!)
At some point my parents realised they couldn't get me to play outside and gave me my own one. Windows 98, yeah! Hear that drive rumbling, such power!
I wasted a good number of days on ye olde Brood War, Runescape, Warcraft III Custom games, Tiberian Sun, Doom and plenty of others.
This is probably where my love for problem solving, reflexive thinking and a wild, vivid fantasy came from. You know, video games!
Combine that with some interest for technology and shazam! I was meant to become a programmer. (Not to be confused with Pro-gamer, it's only one letter off!)
During school time I doodled a ton. (None of those pictures are particularly pretty, but creative in their own right!)
I also met a few people whose creative sprits were very inspiring.
Dreams of combining technology and creativity together into one aspiring product became frequent.
I never felt like my works were good enough to share though.
At some point I had to make the tough call to become either a Software Engineer (Job safety and stability) or a Game Designer (Follow my dreams).
In hindsight regrettably, I chose to be a Software Engineer. Though I have always loved playing risky in games, Real Life is much too scary to wager.
After four long, boring years I had received a Bachelor degree. I set forth into the world of adults looking for a decent job.
I found one, and spent three more years living the office life.
Building, maintaining, deploying and testing everything I built with no senior to help me.
I learned a literal ton in that time, and I'm grateful for the friends and colleagues that I had at that time for hearing me groan and rant for three years straight.
There also was this training on a personal level, instead of a professional one.
This training made me think more about myself as a person, and took away some insecurities.
A little bit less shy, but still incredibly shy.
It made me think more about myself.
I felt worse and worse over time. I felt out of place. I wanted to create and inspire, not to develop systems that management would ultimately cancel right at the end.
At some point the pain of choosing stability over creating became unbearable. I wrote MANY thoughts down. Some of them less pretty than others.
Most of them I shared with friends, family, colleagues. They were mostly sorry for how I felt, but they also complimented me on my writing style.
I felt more and more like I had missed my calling, and that I had to change.. Something.
At that point I forced myself to see a psychiatrist whom immediatly pointed out I had Chronic Depression.
It's a hard fight, and I've been struggling with it, together with my psych for the past 5 months. I'm not giving up though.
Life has too much potential to be something truly outrageous. And I'm holding onto that hope.
